COFFS HARBOUR CITY COUNCIL MOVES WITH THE TIMES

Council agreed to “get with it” and move Coffs Harbour region out of the dark ages on the first of many steps to get to the 21st Century. A spokesperson said today that Council agreed to a major change to the structure of Council. A consultant would be engaged to oversee the creation of a new Division. “The Division of silly ideas”. The planned change to the organisation has many positives. It generates revenue for Council and employment opportunities for local residents.

The spokesperson commented that the system won’t allow for creative revenue raising products to be generated without the need for costing the tedious issues of administration or of considering legal issues. Under the proposed division, submissions for the advancement of the region would be implemented for trial periods (to see how much revenue accrued to Council) and then evaluated. A prime example would be the new 4WD beach access proposal. The “policing of 6 beaches, both day and night, on a daily basis would see an additional 15 or so people getting jobs.

During the initial period it should not be necessary to consider any impact on holidaymakers or other visitors. Groups of voluntary workers would contribute money to Council but would be expected to continue with their voluntary arrangements for beach environment protection.

Fishermen could continue their activities albeit that such activity might need to be monitored by rangers (presumably based in the Deep Sea Fisherman’s Club). Lifeguards would also be charged for accessing beaches for “rescue purposes” although the spokesperson explained that it might be possible to disguise the costs in the budgets via a series of accounting transactions.

The brave new decision follows on from a wealth of silly ideas generated in recent times. The light rail system will be incorporated into the CBD Plan. The City Square will have a monorail section (see artist impression of future landscape) stretching from the St George building to the gravel agent premises. The existing sails will be removed and the area will be tastefully decorated with a multitude of fairy lights. It is hoped that the Bogong moths experience will attract passers-by off the Highway into the thriving cultural heart of Coffs Harbour after dark. This will be of particular interest at Christmas especially for families attending Carols in Brelsford Park. The lights can be admired from afar to avoid to avoid any prospect of vandalism. The opportunity to submit an idea Residents are encouraged to contribute silly ideas to Council. For existing employees it offers the opportunity to submit any idea and be rewarded with a suitable redundancy package.

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