NEW CANDIDATES FOR COUNCIL ELECTIONS

Residents will have an even greater choice of candidates in the forthcoming elections for council. Mr Dick Tatter telepathically announced he will head up a ticket. The other candidates are Mr Con Fusion, Mr Woody Chopper and Miss Take.

Under the banner of “business as usual” this dedicated group will ensure residents will not need to express their needs and desires  group as our group will do it for them. This will save considerable time and be in the interests of all residents said Miss Take.

Mr Dick Tatter believes that he alone can run this city as he has the vision, the abilities and everything else that is needed.  His catch cry is “it is only operational”.  High on the list of  outstanding achievements is the introduction of the new tourist drive through the centre of the city.

Mr confusion enthused that this has been a spectacular success with motorists queuing up for blocks just to get a chance to  glimpse visionary “city hub”.

The Christmas tree in he centre of the offending roundabout  will be dismantled and if  necessary council will reassign Christmas celebrations until such time as the work is completed. Miss Take said there was a distinct financial advantage if council combined Christmas Day and Australia Day as a single holiday for the next year – this would be purely a trial  but if it worked it could become a permanent fixture. Expressions of interest from consultants to explore this option can be lodged with the council administration branch.

Unfortunately the tourist drive misses the greatest attraction of all. The pioneer Park complex is off limits, said Mt Woody Chopper, as staff are trying to locate  the  trees listed for preservation.

Fragments of these trees will be gathered up and donated to the historical museum so that in the future younger residents will know what the trees looked like.

It is expected that the temporary bypass will be finished just as the tourist drive reaches the last day of its operation. At the time the proposed light rail should be ready to kick off and council will be able to “rip up” new installed infrastructure. If all goes to plan this will be a masterstroke of co-ordinated planning and resource management. Council has placed and embargo on heavy rainfall during the (extended) duration of the project.  The City drainage system will be inoperative as the old pipes are lifted and replaced with new drain pipes.

A trial flooding will be scheduled  just before the new pipes are laid to ensure that they will optimally place the pipes to deal with future emergencies.

Businesses have applauded the foresight of council as they are to save money by not having to deal  with those pesky customers. Some will give staff extended holidays. Crime in the City centre should fall foo as the number of people “strolling along the avenue” diminishes.  Enterprising youngsters  wishing to peddle food items to motorists on the tourist drive are reminded that hawker’s licences essential before commencing any “pop-up business.

Whilst full candidate profiles are yet to be lodged Mr Dick Tatter said they would probably ne unnecessary. He has full confidence in his own abilities. In fact He concluded, it probably is not necessary to have an election for council as he will not take any notice of what residents want. The election will just be a waste of money which I can spend somewhere else. “It is after all just operational”.

2 Replies to “NEW CANDIDATES FOR COUNCIL ELECTIONS”

  1. Why is it I suspect that Dick also used to be known as ‘The Fat Controller’?

    Hasn’t the work on the city center been a Grade A clusterstuff-up (polite version)? I mean why would you worry about completing the by pass before starting it? Incredible.

    Why is it I also suspect the CHCC is going to face some very angry shop owners where the new ‘tourist drive’ is currently clogging the place to a stand still?

    Almost as big a balls up as ‘Brexit’.

    1. Rickey, thanks for your comment, while we all know who the BFC is I am fairly confident it is not Dick Tatter. Ed.

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